Thursday, July 5, 2007

My dog is better than a kid

Why my dog is better than MOST kids:
Forget cat vs. dog.
Note: this is not meant to insult or offend anyone, unless you've ever insulted or offended my dog, a.k.a. MY KID.
This is only the top 20:

1. He smells better.
2. He is cleaner, and carries fewer infectious microorganisms (trust me, I'm a doctor)
3. I can leave him home when I want to leave and he doesn't die or ruin anything, and no one calls the police.
4. He does NOT scream and/or yell anywhere near midnight, when I am trying to sleep because I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN BE AWAKE.
5. He does not run through someone else's yard at MIDNIGHT WHEN I AM TRYING TO SLEEP.
6. He is more cost and energy efficient.
7. He sleeps when I sleep.
8. He sleeps when I want to watch TV.
9. He likes all the same TV shows I do, and he doesn't learn the bad words.
10. He's ALWAYS happy to see me.
11. He's respectful.
12. He's nice to the mean rotten filthy little kids who pester him (ok, and to the cute ones too.)
13. He IS better behaved; especially at the store.
14. He wears what I tell him to.
15. He eats what I tell him to.
16. He doesn't whine when he doesn't get what he wants.
17. He doesn't need to be bathed EVERYDAY, or multiple times/day.
18. He doesn't try to START FIRES near my house at MIDNIGHT because he's using fireworks, WITHOUT SUPERVISION.
19. He HELPS me study.
20. He lays on my feet and keeps them warm.

So if you're debating between a dog or a kid, I think the evidence speaks for itself. And if anyone gets mad at me for taking my kid public places, the above gives me every right to complain about you taking your kids in public. And if you are ever tempted to ask me when I'll be having a kid, don't. You're better off asking when I'll be getting another dog--ironically, the answers are probably the same: NEVER :)


Marissa said...

Hahahaha. Good reasoning. I must be biased, because I like MY kid more than your kid. :)

me said...

i know, i know...